Chapter 3: Bros Before Hos: The Guy Code

So, being one of only 3 guys in a largely female-dominated classroom :P, this chapter caused a lot of questions towards me and my fellow male comrades.  The interesting bit about this chapter is it talks a lot about the “bros before hos” mentality that guys have. I’m going to go out on a limb here and say it applies to MOST guys and not ALL.  I for one would much rather hang out with my friends that are girls than my guy most of the time. Some may call that feminine, but I call it simply choice.

Guys, as they are growing up, are brought up under a certain set of expectations. Things like “be a man” or “take it like a man” are often phrases guys hear a lot of the time, so they grow up thinking they have to be the toughest there is, because it’s expected of them.  They are taught to not show emotion because if they did, it is perceived as feminine, and that goes against what being a guy is ‘all about’.

This kind of mentality generally leads to guys, when faced with it, deciding that hanging out with girls in general is feminine or ‘gay’. This is also why guys hang out with just guys.  This way, there’s all that ‘manliness’ in one spot and they can literally choose to bask in it. They don’t have to do anything productive at all, they just have to prove to one another each of their manliness in some way, shape, or form.

Another interesting point the author makes in this chapter is when he talks about conforming.  The thing about guyland in our society is that it starts affected our ‘guys’ at some of the youngest ages.  Up until about 4th and 5th grade, we notice there is not a separation of sexes, until the guys start realizing that hanging out with girls is too feminine.    This is the beginning of guyland for these individuals.  They learn from one another these rules and slowly, one by one, they each conform to this idea, and anyone who doesn’t is chastised until they do.  Once they start just hanging out with the other boys, the mentality that brings about the “bros before hos” rule comes into play.

Sigh. The world of guys has come to such a shitty point.  Sometimes I hate realize I (not too) often fit into these catagories, and after reading this book I’m doing everything I can to work my way out of these mentalities that guys today have.

That’s all for now.


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3 Responses to Chapter 3: Bros Before Hos: The Guy Code

  1. Maria says:

    I’ve always tried to pick friends based on who they are on the inside not based on male/female. It’s funny because as a female many times guy friends are much easier to love than girl friends. Why isn’t it the “friend code”? Is there a book “girl land”?

    • tklouda says:

      Actually, there are often references in Guyland about the fact that girls actually follow Guy Code. And before you ask – yes there is a reason why we say “girls follow guy code” because it is just that. I’ll post more about that later. But you bring up another point, having better/more guy friends could you not tell that once hanging out with them alone and then comparing how you know them that way to that when they hang out with a bunch of other guys, aren’t they different? It’s the whole staging, or, like the documentary suggests, guise.

  2. Eloise says:

    I didn’t have guy friends until I was middle aged & enjoyed my friendships with them more than that with some of my female friends. My guy friends (about same age as me) seemed to be pretty much the same no matter which sex they were hanging out with so maybe some things change with age.

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